Insomnia

“Old habits die hard”

It’s back again.

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For a few weeks I was successful in getting my sleep right. That is, sleeping when most people are sleeping and waking up when most people are supposed to be up. I knew it wouldn’t last long though because apparently, ideas just flow in the most unusual time. 

Insomnia had been my long time problem ever since I can remember. It’s off and on. Some days it’s just persistent specially when I’m extremely over-inspired or over stress.  And some days it  just went off.

And a few nights from today, it’s on again. It’s a good thing that I just happen to be overly inspired over my new friend, the story I’m working on and my new writing habit.

My routine everyday is wake at 9am, have brunch, write/edit/email friends, talk to some people via skype, sleep in the afternoon, wake up at around 7pm in time for dinner, learn something, check my email, exchange language to some of my online friends, write again and sleep whenever it came (which is a long wait) and repeat. Exceptional days are when I’m out with friends which is something that only once in a blue moon.

Most people are worried about it, but my family is used in seeing me up all night and still up all day, sleeping a few hours and then getting back to my business again. Some people said I have too much free time in my hand.

But really, I’m someone who wants to handle my own time. That’s why I enrolled in an online university (despite having so many universities near my home) and if I decide to work, I find a home-based job. Some people are not really up doing what normal people does. I consider myself as someone who’s not up to do what normal people do, because I can completely make a decision and no one will have a say in it. Not my mom or my dad. It’s not about being a filial daughter… or being a disobedient one.  it’s just doing something different. I normally do something that is quite out of the box. Some people call it spontaneity, others call it weirdness. My parents accepted this about me along time ago, so I’m not easily affected by what anyone have to say. If I’m not doing anyone harm, why should I care if people call me a bit too lax about my life, especially if I’m not doing anything any harm to anyone?

Once you realize that no one can make decisions for you but yourself,  that no one is responsible for your own happiness but yourself, you begin to take in charge and voice out what you want, even if it means being a little bit different than the rest. I don’t want to be someone who complain about where I am or what I do when I know that I can do something to change it. I’m the least person to complain and I’m most likely to do something when I feel that I can’t tolerate it any longer. All it takes is a courage to be who you are.

If you wanna be a writer, go ahead. Write. If you wanna be a singer, go ahead, sing. If you wanna travel, go ahead… travel. If you wanna be a good-for-nothing, you already are…just kidding.. but whatever it is you want to be and you are still not doing it… you better ask yourself what is it that stopping you from your passion or from things you wanna do? Is it family pressure? friends? money? What? If there’s a will, there’s a way. If you want something enough, you’ll go do it. If you didn’t get it, it only means you didn’t try enough. Stop making excuses. 

Remember that whatever you do today will have a big impact on your tomorrow, that whatever you do today is completely up to you.

I’ve read enough books, watched too many movies, talk to a lot of people… and the happiest people go after what they want, what they really want inside their heart, all of them have obstacles they have overcome but they cut through it. If you want an easy life, you’ll never get it. Accept that and you’ll see better days.

My insomnia is part of my creative routine, without it, I’m mostly blank by day…that I can’t even edit much. Even when I have classes and work is very hectic, I make sometime for my passion, hobbies or things that will give me a reason to wake up with a smile and sleep soundly knowing that today I did something I want, I did something for myself, and I made a small step to be a little closer to where I want to be. 

Classes will start soon and my schedule will look like hell but oh well, at least I’m making the best out of my free time. Editing on my short stories, I can’t believe there’s too much editing to do. Excited to post my short stories here at last. Watch out for them!

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