Archive | January 2015

Officially Yours

I’ve finally told my parents about him. Do you know what it’s like to keep your relationship a secret, while his side knows everything about you? It must be really hard, but being the secretive person that I am, I have no problem in keeping secrets for such a long time. But this was different. When you’re committed with someone, and made that truly legal, that’s the time it’s really hard to keep it a secret. Unless you weren’t that serious, of course.

What bothers me most is how he shows us of to his family and friends and I couldn’t do the same for a good reason that I won’t bother to broadcast on a public blog. I’m not a confiding person by nature, because I like to keep everything to myself. Pen and paper was and will always be my best friend. Because they don’t talk back, they don’t tell you what to do, they don’t judge you, and nobody would comment on them and nowadays social media had become a public diary, a trend that I won’t bother to join in.

So being with him, I decided to just vanished on my fb account. a few people who really cared asked me where I’ve been, and I didn’t explain much except that I was busy with work. Ha. yeah right.

Anyways just a few days ago, I gather my guts to open up to my mom and my sis, and with a few sermons, they accepted it because they have no choice but do so. I’m old enough, for god sake. And I’ve done worst in my life than having a Chinese boyfriend. I’m the little black sheep in the family, and yeah I accepted my uniqueness along time ago. If I didn’t love myself so much, my attempt of suicide years ago would be successful then.  That’s right. If you think nobody loves you, then that’s the time you should love yourself more, because if you don’t, nobody else will.

Sometimes, family would be the first people to torture you inside. Other people can hurt you, but not so much as your family could. It’s the worst torment of all and sad to say that I’ve experienced that hell, and that’s why I think no one else could hurt me the way I was hurt before. And that’s why I’m distant to my family. I think I’m rather close to my friends’ family than to my own, and if people knew the truth, they would just nod their head and say, yeah I got what you mean.

Anyway, that little reminiscent is still the worst memory of mine but I don’t know why I bother to mention it. Because maybe going back to Dubai really gives me the creep, all the bad memories, the nightmares coming back to hunt me. My guy thinks I love Dubai, but he have no idea it would be the last place I’d want to be, except that I have no choice but to go there because it’s the only place we could be together, for a certain reason.

I have a love-hate relationship about Dubai, maybe if it wasn’t for those people who tortured me emotionally, I won’t be as strong as I am now. Yet, nobody, not even my family, knew the scar they have given me there. I’m having such a cold feet about going back, sometimes, I just want to cancel every thing, and stay right here. But then there would be no future for me here in Phil. because without him, I see no future.

So, love is a compromise. I have to face my fears, and this time, I have to stand up for myself. It won’t be easy, but I have someone behind my back who would be there for me no matter what, and that’s what gives me the strength to face whatever, because I know every sacrifices now would be worth it for our future.

And most importantly…we’re official. That’s the best part of 2015. Other good things that will come this year is just like Cherry on top of an Ice cream, an extra pleasure for me to enjoy.

so I’m like ” tee hee, Honey, I’m officially yours now. You better take good care of me because there’s no turning back. We’re stuck to each other, forever.”

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Let the year begin~

2015 is here and though the year is only starting, I’m not thrilled to face January or the upcoming months. I would love for December to freeze, but as time would have it, December passes too damn quickly. This might not be a very positive post of the day, but I just want to rant.

How could this be a good year when it means parting with someone you’d die just to be with, and yet you have no choice but to let it go because of your own naivety. It’s hard to fight FATE because in the end, it always win. No matter what you plan in months ahead, life has just have its own twisted way to make you not have YOUR way easy.

But am I the one to sit and cry just because of a few ordeals this year? Heck no. I’d fight to kill the loneliness that will creep me at the middle of the night, hugging the pillow in replace of someone so warm, fighting with tears in my eyes and the hope of a sooner reunion. I have at latest 2 months left to savor each moment, though it will be so hard, it’s my self-punishment for being so damn selfish, without any regard for consequences.

Thanks to a few years back, when I faced hell in life even before I’m ready for it, I’ve gotten strong, so strong that I think nothing could timber my will power. I’ve gotten use to my ill fortunes that I just laugh it off lol. And each year, life gives such a pleasant (and not SO pleasant) surprises that seemed so out of my league. But whatever, ranting done. Come, 2015, test me all you want!

I have the feeling that I’m going through a lot of stuff this year. But enough worries, and just enjoy the moment. Get smarter, stay beautiful (no matter what bitches sez) and be STRONGER: just some of my new year mantra.

So, let this year begin.