May 1st, 3am
Today is the first day of the month and it already rained last night. Rainy season is almost here, so I’ll probably spend most of the time inside home. I hate the rain. I hate the wet ground, the cold misty wind, and the sad feeling it brings. It makes me so lazy to move I just want to hide away and hibernate in darkness. As much as I hate the rain, I love the happy memories it brings. I remember a certain person who just dance whenever it rains. Well sure, grow up in Middle east and you will appreciate the rain as it only rains there for two or three times a year. Imagine that. But if you’ve been in a tropical island and you’ve stayed long enough… you’ll be terrified of the ominous feeling the rain could bring.
Anyway… what is it with women and birthdays? Why do I feel so… moody every time my birthday is nearing? Is this the fear of getting old? A few years ago I was always excited about my birthday. I couldn’t wait to be 18 years old, move out from home, drink, dance and just do my thing. When I did all that, I feel so… bored with it. I never understand how drinking and going to clubs are a fun way to spend the night with your boyfriend while he’s kissing some random bitch; getting home at 4am and feeling so wasted that you can’t do a thing the next day because of a hangover. I realized soon enough that it’s just so not me to get out there. I left doing that a long time ago and doing it again doesn’t make me feel an adult… it only made me feel like some wild child on the loose. And since lesson learned the hard way, as always, I had been taught a good lesson when things started to get messy. So, after that mess, I started to focus on what’s really important.
Sometimes, losing yourself is the only way to find out what you really need in your life. So some people are asking me ‘Do you ever go out?’ uh.. Sure. I go out. When I’m in the mood to cook some food, when I want to shop in the mall, meet old friends. But other than that… I live a pretty healthy life of staying home doing my real thing; writing. (haha. That sounds funny. Writing. I’m mostly writing pinyin and to heck with the 4 tones. I will master you soon, sweatheart. You just wait. :)). )
Call me a boring person… but I take writing as a serious business. Okay, I’m not a saint that I would write all day, y’know? I’m not an addict yet. Close to it, I know some fun too. I sleep some time too. Oh yes, I live a very healthy conversation with people. In fact, if there’s anything healthy that I do, it’s talking to people. It’s my life. In the next life, I probably would have been better than Oprah… Then I remembered A guy called me fat, he said I need to go out more and do some exercise. I couldn’t sleep for days because of it. Does he even know what he said? Never, ever call a woman, fat. You could make her depress to the edge of death. Luckily… I’m a cheerful person.. and luckily he wasn’t in front of me when he said it or I would have strangled him. Big time. Never talk about weight to women. Ever. Period. Need I say more?
Anyway just to defend myself I AM NOT FAT. I stand 5 flat, weighing 45kg (haha I just guess that but I couldn’t be 50kg.. doubt it). I’m not even chubby. Man, if you want to be in my good list, forget my weight. It’s not like you’re gonna lift me or something. Or, are you? (lol just say so… I’m willing to give up dinner. lol) So the day ended with nothing happened. I had a bit of headache and no wonder about that… been reading too much lately… on to writing and then been distracted with something… and then there’s a bit of chance of being productive when you are in a bad mood.
That stupid feeling of sadness for letting go of something you never truly had? haha yes, that’s one of the reason why I go sleepless these days. It’s quite stupid for believing something that would never really happen. But then I always believe in the impossible. It’s my favorite hobby. I’m laughing with tears at the moment. oh wait, it’s not tears of joy. I’m actually in need of some sleep. haha..Wan an